Normadic Mind

2007-10-24T00:22:00.000+08:00

Well its been months since I had the mood or the impluse to write on this blog again.It seems that this blog had its other uses for me...a place for me to voice out my feelings when I think it is unconstructive to do so in the open or to others who well I dont want to say much to.

I had once again made the mistake which a nice scolding was provisioned by my girlfriend. I understand I had fuck up in her synchronisation of data from one PDA to another PDA, well I had heeled to her earlier complains and asked her times that if the PDAs that going to have a hard-reset had any important data... she will say no or a hesitant no... Well I think the most simple solution to all these problem is STOP her from using all other PDA phones which I had given to her.. the 3 of them and ask her to use only one for better or for worst... give nothing unless she agree to it ... sigh ...

Boy she is going to china tomorrow .... happiness... sometimes ...woman well dont touch her stuff and not to help her in anythings..

2007-06-29T11:53:00.000+08:00

Understandig woman...

I just dont know how they feel or well I will never will. I had now understand why there are some blokes who commented "No point in treating your girlfriend nice, she wont appreiciate it"

Well.. I try out many ways since knowing her providing her what I can or what I think it will be good for her. But last night, her comments does hurt me or just make me wanted to scold her, I had never scolded her since our relationship. Just a grumpy tone to make my unhappiness known to her. Does this sound like I am a bad boyfriend?

Her comments could be causal, well indication of my past actions leads to another motive. This creates upset within me. I dont know why, maybe this only happens when now I am treating her better than nice. I took her to dine at the Peak and company her over the weekend as her work is taking a toll on her happiness. I dont mind the effort in securing a table nearest to the view, the time I took to look for a nice restaurant. I just want her to feel happy but now, she looks into me with a untrusted feeling... I could not be certain that my future actions are appreciated at all since she had this thinking already in her mind. The worst situation is I do not know why she said things that are 100% different with last evening stating appreciation of my kindness or work given to her but last night...all such actions are leading to a motive...

I really dont know... not sure if I should continue to treat her nice...at all...
Or she already had another person who treating her better than I do. Normally, I have this thinking..comparsions are made when you had experienced 2 samples so now she is comparing..me with... I dont know ...

Maybe all my efforts are marginal compared to others but that is what I can provide and afford at this moment. I dont know ... i dont know...

2007-06-08T22:02:00.000+08:00

It had been year ..almost a year since I had updated this blog.

I guess I had move on and decided to write less about my life. But then why do I start again? I guess blog is a channel for me to put my tiny little voice out when the whole world do not really give me a damn.

Well I am now on to the 7th month of my job. Not a very prospecting job if you consider but maybe I had never been in a company for a year plus to see the well reward they give to their overworked slaves.

Aniwei my company is this, it is a small company but pretend to be a big organisation. Wow..where my senior is in a total mind of his own, why did I comment that? Let see.. he will enter an arguement and not based on the point or the topic but to fulfill his big ego of senior --> must force other people thinking. I had begin to see what other see of him as a fact... closet mugger...well not that term but I can only quote in a closest manner. Search and molest everyone's knowledge into his own little brain and do not share his to us.. WOW... Kiddish behavior.

Oh my new manager... his favorite is seeking results on a daily basis and well do like to ask people to perform this and that... and also seeking ownership of things ..aniwei I dont really give much a thought about that... simply a idiot who does not want to get his hands dirty but will without hesitation ask other to do it..

Oh my chief..stubborn crazy woman who always had a mind of her own. I am not sure but it seen that middle aged people are always have a fixed mindset and unable to listen to opinion. Well..simple..follow her way... she prefer ABC...she will get ABC..

Nevertheless, I am still happy to know good colleagues who are of the same level as me.. we are together and well happy..

Oh .. one more thing, my japanese classmates.. they are as lovely as ever... lucky to have them as my friends...

Weekend.. shall not think of work... screw it...

2006-07-30T18:41:00.000+08:00

Well its sunday and i will be going to manila for the week... I am not looking forward to it but i felt that i must be professional to perform with that little bit left in me, i will continue and put a grand show in it. man.... Inputing these words on a mobile handheld does make some pain out of me

2006-07-30T00:54:00.000+08:00

Changes... ... well undergoing a major change in my life or a major blow had landed upon me. I have to decided which path to go. I am tired and felt all my efforts are wasted. I am feeling that my career are in ruins.. I need to pick up and restart my goal and objective.

This round was not part of my fault .. something I must remember and walk down the path.Saturday is super cool as I managed to go for my japanese class and the class and me went for a simple japanese lunch. well 9 girls and me... haahaaa.. felt that I am the luckiest bloke in the world ?

well the sudden downpour does dampened my mood and I returned home early for a dinner DIY style... simple dishes but does make a simple man satisfied.Tomorrow packing up for a trip to manila...going to end my road trip... a finale... a last path ...

2006-07-24T23:00:00.000+08:00

Well did not go to work today as I had this rash on my elbow ... rested well and also managed to drag my body to Admirality to get my HK license. Today weather is hot, steamy ... stuffy.. I could get myself kill by staying out for a while...

So in the end I was at home in the late afternoon till dinner time..went to aunt's house for meal..and now at home...under the comfort of air-con and being a part in warming up the earth by all those emission..oh well I cant care.. for now ...

2006-07-24T00:21:00.000+08:00

Oh... my house does look cleaner and tidy. I had been cleaning it over the weekends, it does deserve a good clean as I was not in HK for the past weekends.

Maybe it is the heat that drove so many people to shopping malls today, I was in shatin and it is totally totally pack with mobs of familes having fun... but it's nice to see them having fun.

I begin to think that I like the feeling of tidness and also clean.. I like to have my clothes ironed and also clean the house.. am I getting strange?

I am uncertain but maybe this house is becoming a part of me ... I am now the keeper of this little realm of mine. So I must uphold to my liking.. by making it nice and livable ...

2006-07-23T23:57:00.000+08:00

Sunday.... day of rest and peace...

Roll down to Harbour City to view the new ..enlongated...stretched..extended...new mini ..quite interesting...

One thing that is unbearable is the heat...gosh.. 34+ degrees under the HK urban environment... I could melt any minute under such situations.

Dinner was alright as I bought it from downstairs and was too involved with my work..

Looking back... I wish there were happier times... maybe a photo will remind me and make me simile....

2006-07-23T01:42:00.000+08:00

Saturday... it's a very utilized day... woke up early to rush for my class but ended up in the jam. I was only 10minutes late but still the class is alright. Got to know that we are having a japanese lunch after class next week.. Yuppie and also , my dance is cancelled next week so I can go for the lunch and not miss dance.

During the first 15minutes of dance I was very happy and able to perform the move with very good pecision but then ... suddenly my mind was filled with other things that I lost it totally ... I had been feeling it for sometime but not this time... so deep and unable to concentrate on my dance.. I felt sad about this and want to leave early but I cant , its very unprofessional to end your move like that based on your personal emotions... I got to bear with it .

I went to visit my aunt and it was the most unbearable thing it could happen to us... the sign of her radiotherapy had shown. She had lost most of her hair and I was just feeling hard not to shed a single tear and be happy infront of her. She could not know what happen due to her mental awarness but still I felt very emotional for her.

I guess I had get used to visit her on a weekly basis as she is after all my aunt and now I do feel the need to .. It is very traumatized by it... sigh .... why her..I going to work tomorrow morning and go out for a while in the afternoon to TST and later be at home ... I must be strong...

2006-07-22T01:35:00.000+08:00

Well... July..I had been thinking ... what I had done over this month?

well nothing much but the trip back to Singapore does make me feel happier as I am able to see my family and friends. I am now having a wonderfulous time in my Japanese class as I am able to bend into them as they are super friendly ... I decided to treat them nicely..

Looking back... a year ago, I was still in service in my blue uniform and seeing airplane taking off and landing.. but now I am at another place where to them National Service only happens in Taiwan. Well I guess this is another milestone that I managed to achieved. Did I brave the rain and storm? I am uncertain as so far things are still going quite smoothly..

I had fallen and also stand up and walk again, I know there are times where I am really sad thinking of the past memories of me and her but still I got to move ... I do hope she will have someone nice to look after her but still I guess she is now old enough to decide what is of the best interest for her.

Tomorrow I will be going for my dance and japanese lessons, maybe a trip to visit my aunt will round things up nicely. I guess from now on... walking alone and standing tall is something I must get used to ... Life must go on....

2006-06-25T11:50:00.000+08:00

Well...

finally end of June. It was a eventful month with alot of things happening to me. I was in Beijing / Bangkok / Sydney for this month. Everyday is full of work and preparation of other things. I felt that work is starting to leech into my personal life.

I had made some personal achievement this month by joining a Japanese class to resume my language. I was happy and lucky that I could upgrade my class to another level as I felt the previous one, I had studied it before also the students are not that energetic...

I arrived in HK at 5am yesterday from Sydney and without any sleep, I went for my new japanese class at 10am. The classmates are friendly and close. Personally I felt for language school I will need some classmates who are friendly and chirpy to make the life in there more interesting.. who wants to sit in for 2 hr and 40mins just to listen to teacher's things???

Dance was not alright as I started to feel tired and sleepy.... also the weather in HK is hot hothot similar to singapore. I felt soooo HAPPY in sydney where the tempature is around 12-14 degrees... I am now feeling ... maybe if I have a chance I can consider moving to Sydney.. the pace of life is good and the living environment is not bad too.... let see how it goes....

I will be in HK for the coming 2 weeks and not sure where I will be going too ...but let it be...

2006-05-28T12:07:00.000+08:00

Well finally weekend it felt good as it had been a long 2 weeks for me ... Last night was dinner with my ex-boss and the environment was very good and there is a strong sense of comardeship.

Over these day is pretty rainy and I feeling abit worn out during this weekend.. I wish I was in Singapore under the bright sun and I can jolly lay in a beach and read by the poolside...that was my life..but now ..maybe there is some nice stuff I got to give up .

I am looking forward to my Beijing trip a fornight later as that week is really a week for me to rest....

2006-05-26T00:06:00.000+08:00

Well thursday... the feeling of ease came to me as I had ended another project in my work. Another milestone as this is the first time I am the leader, bringing the sub-contractor for work

Overall the environment is good as we spend time discuss problems and brush off the I am the client shit but then he still pay some respect to me.. which to me .. totally not needed ..cos I just want to get the job done...

Tomorrow is friday.. a feeling of happiness and also freedom after last weekend of all those shitty feelings.. I felt at ease and begin to look forward . I hope I will bring fun to emi and dawn coming weekednd... sadly ..no dance on this week..till 10th of june will be resuming .. i need to do somehting ... bake a cake or make tramisu...

2006-05-22T23:42:00.000+08:00

Welll monday... pretty normal day today. Did not managed to clock any special event..just work and go home.....tiring day? not sure.... looking forward to the end of the week with emi and dawne....

2006-05-22T01:14:00.000+08:00

Well...

I guess I should do a weekly blog instead having those sudden post..

I had enjoy my trip in Bangkok and also work hard for that trip. I felt that there is no regret in that trip even I had made some failures along the way. I shopped alot for the family eg. cuttlefish and also those crackers... the flight and hotel stay was very very luxurious and enjoyable.

I returned home on friday around 12 and was super busy to make some minor details to my sister wedding dinner held in HK. So saturday was my last dance class for this season but still there will be new season on 10th jun that I surely looking forward to but now I am considering new things to keep myself happy as an occupied mind is a wonderful mind.

sometimes, I felt in the event of all else fails family comes in importantly to lift you up and give you back the confident you really need.. I was in total lost during saturday morning due to some minor relationship issue but after a trim of my hair, I had never felt soooo happy maybe cos the haircut is excellently done and it was flawless that I did not even bother to amend some of the stylist artwork...heeheee...maybe I was vain.......

Dinner was very nice as the whole family and clan came and everyone was happy... I was happy... so this is the moment that family comes in to me and lift me up...

Today I spend the whole day with my sister and her husband to do some shopping and minor eating... I was happy , everyone was happy.. maybe I had a simple mind and easily contented...but well...maybe I am simple..and that is what I am..and I do not tend to change it.

Sometimes I felt, should I be this good and be abused by the environment? or adapt to the harsh world ...and stuck to the belief that good man die first...???? I am still holding on to my religion that showing goodness to others....... maybe I shall resist the change and maintain my princple...

This week, Emi and Xinwei is coming to HK and will pay me a little visit. I am sort of excited by their visit as I had not see both of them for 6 months and well I do have close contact with them but ..still ... they could turn plump and all sorts... so I am aniticipating their arrival...YUPPIE !! ... friends.... good friends....what else does I need in this world (Another thought from a simple mind.... shit...)

2006-05-22T01:13:00.000+08:00

Day 1...

Moving on and standing tall.... I shall never look back and be confident of walking down my path all alone....

2006-05-18T01:11:00.000+08:00

After days of being in Thailand and also 2 days of rolling on a van ... finally my project had come to an end. I have a great sense of satisfaction that I am part of the project and able to contribute to the product.

I had work till 12 mid-night in hotel and also waking up early but I had never felt this commited before. Maybe a pat on the shoulder from the project leader give me the extra booast..

Today I ate at A&W....it spark my childhood days when I usually go there with my mum when I was in primary school. Gees..that was like the eightiess......but it does give me a warm and nice feeling. Weather in thailand was bad today with a heavy shower.

I had enjoy myself last night with a treat at Emporium, I felt pampered and happy after a hard day work... I guess it all works out ...now .... finally .. i have the feeling of ease and relax...

2006-05-17T00:58:00.000+08:00

Well I am now in Bangkok now doing work till friday. As much as I like it in here..Events that are brewing now in HK does not really make me to have a mood to enjoy myself. Well frankly, the only problem guys have is money and woman...that is what I think... for me, I do have enought to spend and so the problem is latter.

I could not understand why but time and time again things just repeats itself...when you are finally able to stand tall and approach the the thing you fear most, it suddenly came right back to you. I just want to seek something simple and have the ability to be the provisioner of care and warmth but when your arms are opened to the world, the whole world just splash you with ice-cold water... Things come fast and go fast... I could not understand why but I know I will move on but when will I think "This is enough" .....

I wish I could avoid this situation and be away from HK but then....the heart is still in there...it seems it happens everywhere.....Life just turn abit sour for me ...

2006-05-06T00:31:00.000+08:00

It been a busy week for me as Ken , my uni friend came to HK to visit me with his girlfriend. Overall they ended up shopping and eating.. one thing that amaze me was that he only bought S$200 to HK and managed to survive..... well minus the transportation thing, there is nothing much left but still he managed to return to Singapore in one piece.

I had a normal work week doing pretty minor but still important stuff and this allows me to rest well for the coming weeks of hard work. Today i pampered myself and bought myself a model kit and did not do much I woke up early in the morning to send ken off to the airport so afternoon was at home sleeping and resting ...

Last night me and ex-colleagues went to Lan Kwan Fong for some drinks after a nice dinner but that place is too errmmm I din like it i jus din like the crowd around there.. it's like boat quay... errmm ...

2006-04-30T00:52:00.000+08:00

Well back from beijing for almost a week as I did not have any testing job to do this week. This week went by rather fast and comfy. This is the time that allows me to settle my minor stuff at work and also to study what I am deficient in.

Well I had a great saturday. Went for a dance this afternoon. The crowd was rather minor as Leona and Sally were no were to be in. Sam introduce us some new moves and as usual, I am the slowest and dumbest kid to pick them up. Nevertheless, I join cos of the fun it gives.

Did not go far today instead down to causeway bay as I was really want to get that model kit. But sadly it was gone when I reach there... it was selling cheap and it's a 2nd-hand but nevertheless it's something worth the money in my opinion..

So...attended my colleague wedding at Langham hotel, grand and superbly decorated. Wish the them a blissful and happy marriage. Did not talk much to my colleagues as I had yet to get familar with them.... Nevertheless I had been playing around with my N93...superbly cool and it's like bringing a video cam out...shoot what you like and where you want to ....cool.....

2006-04-19T23:19:00.000+08:00

Welll...today is my last day of traininig in Beijing. Tomorrow will be my last day with the Beijing team. Frankly they are good in what they had in their brain but due to the language we used which is English, they lack of confidence in replying or defending their views.

We had a nice Thai dinner near our office..which have alot of seafood... not bad....today weather is generally good with strong winds..which is good compared to yesterday as I was breathing and eating sand in the sandstorm...heehee...

Can I stay in Beijing..well I guess I will prefer Taipei as Taipei still have scale models shops which is not really much of an existence in beijing.. it's my hobby.....

Tiananmen is great... I like it ...the place is very very grand ...... wish I can stay at that place for a bit more....

2006-04-16T11:51:00.000+08:00

Well death....

I had such feelings now, not that I am going to die soon but only now that I understand why people fear death.
My aunt had a terminal cancer and will be undergoing operation on Monday. This reallys made me cried, well you may ask that such things happens but when a mentally disabled person have such illness. It does really make you want to ask god why.

Well looking at it, she had spent her life as a mentally disabled person its not a very blessing thing to be and now having this illness, it does make a double impact. She is able to partially comprehed the situation and the only thing I could do is to visit her often at her insitution.

I only can hope the operation went well and she will recover ok.. I could not be with her during that period of time even during her hospital admission as I will be in beijing due to work.

Fear of death is having the person who are close to you who will feel sad and very unhappy about losing you. You just do not want people who love to have such feelings. it really hurts... I am now having that feeling now ...

2006-03-30T23:44:00.000+08:00

Well today is Thursday and the team and I had completed our job. It was managable so after work we went to Taipei 101, it was huge and the bookstore Page One is big and nice ... very Kinokuniya feel....

Also the night market is superb, full of road side store which have alot of nice snacks and clothes. As I prefer to save up my allowance for this trip, I decided not to buy alot of stuff back.

I shall be packing my stuff for the trip back to HK tomorrow and sleep early as I am feeling tiring..

Okie, I think I had gain a few kilos but sat hip-hop shall keep my fat down...

2006-03-27T22:17:00.000+08:00

Well it been a busy period for me. First I had a new job at nokia, which is superb working as an testing engineer. Due to the working environment, I could not go online that easily and also work load is getting heavier compared to the last job.

I am now in Taipei as part of my job. Testing the mobile system, I will be traveling around APAC doing the same thing but it is interesting as the accomodation is excellent, and I know I am taken care of.

My sister wedding was great which was why I return to Singapore but for a brief period of 4 days. I wish I could meet all the friends and handle my sister wedding stuff but I could not. Sorry to Xing wei and Emi but I will be back in May due to my work I think so .

Taipei is excellent despite the gloomy rainy weather but it's alright. The place look quite tidy and abit japanese feel. So far with only 1 day of work, it's not a bad place after all. I am staying in a 5 star hotel with excellent amenditities at my disposal.

I got a call from my dad that his company is interested in hiring me but I will be going UK and a huge pay increasment compare to this one. I am now pondering should I consider??? Currently my pay is very good but comparing to the UK offer, this is peanuts...umphh...... I had just settle in hong kong and now I have to consider moving elsewhere....umphhh.....

I am not sure if I can left what I had in HK, after all this little career of mine is what I had use all my might to build on.. not depending on other people .... I guess I could give it a go and see what the company is offering me.... maybe....

I will be in Taipei till friday, I hope I could have more interesting time in Taiwan, I am enjoying it ...

2006-03-02T11:09:00.000+08:00

Sorry people, I had not been updating this blog since ages. Feburary is a time of change and it was a super busy month for me. A time of disbelief and a time of soul searching. I had been busy with my mom mini matters of leaving HongKong and also my little journey of finding a better job. Well not really better but a job that give me a slight level of security for example some medical or insurance benefit.

Valentines' Day was spent at Shenzhen due to my work, SZ was great in some areas as the place does have some similiarities to Singapore. The road are wide, the houses are big, you could hardly find people walking around. The field test was conducted in an excellence fashion and was able to end it early. Since my last trip to mainland was 1994, I had chosen to stay behind and walk around the LoWu Plaza... such little excursion only lasted 15mins after which, I hurried back to the HK border. It's was something which I will not really like to go to given a choice. So that end my eventless trip to China. I still cant forget the lunch of a Northern Canton origin, it was ohh..shit.. while looking at the dishes, my mind keep on popping up the idead of "how I was we had chosen MacDonalds' for a meal instead"

Well looking at it, i felt MacDonald's worldwide conquest does give me some good as in a foreign place that you do not have the time to adapt to their meals, you just want a predictable meal and feel good with it .. i guess this is when Mac comes in to save the day.....

I will be having a new job this coming week, its something out of the expectation...the reason is that I had given up the tot of finding a new job as I should not be too fussy about this one and focus on it's merits. But then... chances came knocking on your door one day and you just feel like taking the plunge.. I am uncertain about the new job but nevertheless, I decide to take it ...Consider the things given to me.. I guess its a reasonable risk to take.

The one and only thing I could not let out is my colleagues as they are indeed very nice to me and also well a little lady that had soften my heart... I shall resort such matters to fate.

I am going back around the 16th to singapore to attend my sister's wedding. I am not sure what are the preparations but I wish them all the best and happiness.. I guess I do have a lot of people to meet when I return to Singapore.

I will be watching Brokeback mountain later after work..by the way the weather in HK is of a single digit...oh gosh... my house is like a freezer ohhh...

2006-02-18T11:08:00.000+08:00

Well...my office is now at Science Perk TaiPo. nearer to my house which makes the traveling time to be around 20mins. Not bad the place, very relaxing but the availability of food is rather limited. I am delighted that Nokia and ask me for a 2nd round of interview, I am lukewarm about changing job but the unablilty to grasp the authority of my work from France make me feel very frustrated at time.The new place is very nice with alot of trees and a country-side feel. It's alright I guess, I had to skip my hip-hop today as my company want us to prepare all the things by today so no choice.

Oh yeah I just got a new colleague who is Judith replacement, alright she seems fine, I reckon.

I am still unable to get my credit cards, shit as I need to spend some cash thus unable to get the free gifts. Ok I am a cheapskater but no chhoice.. since I got to burn that amount of cash, I felt why not.Umphh..I had yet start my japanese and I am rather scare if I can catch up.ANiwei...see how lifes goes...

2006-01-29T10:53:00.000+08:00

Well chinese new year..... it's not bad since this is my first after 20 years being overseas.

I had went to the flower market with my mum last nite around 8ish, the place was relatively quiet as the whole of HK are having reunion dinner at home. we did not bought many things as utimately, they do end up in trashbin. Also the place is cooling thus it's not a big turn off when you are in the crowd.

I joined my friends later around 11ish, when the mob of people are gathering at the entrance but the feeling of going to such festive places with friends is good ..full of happiness.... I bought a "good luck god" Pace of walking is well sluggish and with the occasional drizzle does bring the mood down a bit but still we being youngsters able to enjoy the whole event.

Around 4ish, I was sleepy and well took a night bus back home....slept till 12 noon..rested well today will be looking forward for tomorrow as there will be fireworks .... All these for chinese new year ...yuppie !!!

I had yet purchased any new clothes as I am not really a clothing shopper as the end will be a pair of Nike Air Force 1 will be part of my bounty.... I had tried to restrain that as due to my tiny living quaters, I need to behave... heeheee

Aniwei to all..happy year of the Dog....

2006-01-11T12:03:00.000+08:00

Well looking at gender issue in here.

I was thinking will we reach a stage where gender issue is less of an issue so that we can remove our differences and have a uniform equality in the workplace but this seems not to be the case at this moment.

Males are still dominating the high echoleon of the office ranks and excersice absolute power over major issues...well females are still playing a less major role.. Somehow i felt the law is still inclined towards the female when comes to certain offences.

Looking thro the eyes of the female they will give reasons for usage but it's something like tariffs, when you are in the adavantage position you will urge the fairness such position had given and provide numerous reasons for this adavantagous position to stand. While the disadavantage party have no choice to take it or leave it ...

2006-01-06T09:16:00.000+08:00

Well it soon coming to 3 months since I had started work in HK. Life is ok but with ups and downs. There are times when you are really need someone to talk to but of course there is no one you can really entrust on. Nevertheless it is a way to learn and adapt to the situation.

Friends had been good to me since and I appreciate the luck I had despite I did not won the HK$50million lottery last night sigh .... that means I got to work wish it was the other way..haaahaaa..

I had started Yoga which is really good in helping stretching and applying the correct posture when you work out so as not to hurt your back. I had begin to have some upper torso problems since I had started work, it's the result of sitting down too long.. but the class is of course one gender sided.... I still remember that the registry said that there are some guys in the class but in the end I represent 50% of the class male population....oh boy... but it is relaxing and good ! .. .

I am looking forward to the next class and also the begin of my dance semester, starting on the 14th... I doing Hip-hop..and it's still cool to know that you and your lads managed to complete the moves in the end...

I got to study for my Japanese as I will be taking an entrance exam to a lanaguage school on the 18th..wish me luck ..

2006-01-04T09:25:00.000+08:00

Well read a book about being human, it is interesting as qouted we are being judged by the way our brain works. It is pretty interesting to know that as from the olden days, we are judge by our heart as it is the centerpiece of our life but soon to our blood afterall. When we read anicent stories, blood seems to be the soul to our life. Something like drops of blood could give life to other souls.

Our life is now based on our brain activity.... it's quite understandable as science had mould our mind that brain is the cornerstone of our life. . .. Looking at it... if a person have zero brain activity but 100% working body, we are still termed as dead... often it is questionable on who have the rights to determine the begining of life and the end of life but it seems that we are relying too much on science to mould our path in life...

We are the creators of science but also the servants of science...

2005-12-29T14:03:00.000+08:00

Well... with a new year, I think I deserved a new start.

Pushing all the rubbish aside, I had continue to live on and learn what I should not do another time round. With a little spare time, joining classes to fulfill my life will be a good idea as this is always the case. Using this little motivation, this little leo had joined up for a Yoga course which will starts on Jan 4th.

I understand that there are very little males in such activities but with my mind of try now then never. I think I will pour out alittle courage and brace the critisim I will received from a large group of girls. I will stick to my belief, try when you are 25 other to regret it at 60...

HK weather is perfect for christmas, cooling but not too cold and have a jolly christmas mood. With a coming new year, I do wish all a happy new year.... oh ...gota resume my hip-hop soon....8th Jan..... geezzz..going to be a active year....

2005-12-20T16:38:00.000+08:00

Well christmas is around the corner. Well going to be another single christmas. I still feeling pretty jolly about it . Sometimes without any burden, it makes you better. Without all those shit stuff that you need to face or adjust to. You do feel a sense of freedom..... yup... I had been a victim of unfair treatment in this round of yet to start relationship.

Someone who just can easily forget what I had said, and start another day... it is unfair after all the things you did for her will be denied by her in such a unforgiving manner...... I had stand tall always and thus will not fall under such silly circumstances. I will remain strong and also constanting remind myself. "NEVER AGAIN"

2005-12-08T13:49:00.000+08:00

Well almost to christmas..what is my plans..umphh ....

JLPT 3 was alittle okie but not that good ... the weather is awfully cold these days in HK with my house having a temperature of 8+ degrees.... eekk..Colleagues are good, We had a BBQ last saturday and there is alot of things to play.4 of us got out to the sea by rowing out a boat..very fun indeed.

Sunday was the JLPT3... imagine waking up at 7+ for the test when the temp was around 10 and it was tough crawling out of the bed ... Luckily I managed to make it thro. I am now without a personal PC at home thus going home is pretty nothing for me to do but to watch TV and build some model airplanes...

My mum will be coming back next thursday so then I will have home cooked food... yuppie !! ! !

Aniwei with all , I was thinking what I will be if I am working in Singapore now????

I just opened another bank accont during lunchtime. wow..there is this pretty Trainee Banker that attended to my request...ohhh boy..hahaaa....

2005-11-30T23:22:00.000+08:00

Well had been a pretty good week so far. Was super busy on the weekends as I went to a offshore island.. Went to Mu Wo and Tai O. Tai O is pretty interesting as the population is able to retain their culture and unqiue identity. I had enjoyed the trip there despite the long travel hours and also nearly falling sea sick... They do have some nice food too .. simple but food that had gone away in main island with recent times.

Sunday was very very tiring as I took Patrick and his friends from Prince Edward to TST. Walk walk walk, they shop shop shop. I was dead tired after that. Well the weather was fine but bring a crowd of people from point a to b is not my forte.. There is alot of culture adaptation for some of Patrick's friends esp Limin. Her face just tells me she is very irritated and annoyed by the large population.. but oh well..... hope she is better now since they are in SG now.

I could not afford the time to give my budd, Patrick a treat but managed to scrump some old wife cakes for him. Hope he will find it useful when he take it back to SG. Aniwei THanks PATRICK for carry my winter clothing from SG to HK.. they are very useful to me now. ..

These days I am busy rushing my japanese as JLPT is this sat and errmmm my progress is anything but steady.. oh no .... shucks....

Got to work hard... aniwei just got my pay today. VEry happy. .... full pay so well thinking what should I do with it to pamper myself ??? umohhhh ....

2005-11-21T14:22:00.000+08:00

Oh it had been sometime since I had updated my blog.

Work is well slightly okie, my company seek perfection and not speed so now I had slowed down and avoid making mistakes. The thing I felt is the more you do the more mistakes you will make . Aniwei colleauges are good, we went bowling on Friday nite and we had a great time. We are a bunch of silly animals but I glad that I am one of them .

Weekend was spent visiting my aunt and also sunday went out to get a pair of runners. I got myself a reebok pump....cool white..so nice looking haahaa.... Weather is getting colder nowadays so I need to wear more. Aniwei it's nice to see people to have a change of their clothing style, singapore is hard as the weather is the same...

This week I shall work hard on my Japanese as the test is around Dec. hope I will put in effort in it.

2005-11-08T23:35:00.000+08:00

Well had been busy with work, I had been very tired after work during this week as I am now handling the entire process by myself and doing constand programming. . . . . . Went to aunt's place for dinner last nite. VEry happy and enjoyed it .

Weekend was very fun, managed to attend Jasmine's little but fun BBQ at stanley beach. The view was very very stunning esp at night. We had alot alot alot of good food. Managed to know some new people and well enjoyable nite.

Sunday was out with jasmine and her friend annie.Annie is quite friendly and we had pizzahut. I was very happy as it was years since I had pizza ...had been eating too much chinese food lately.. now seeking change to non-chinese food. Went for Mac today as dinner as well just want to change my taste for a while....

2005-10-25T22:17:00.000+08:00

Just back from my aunt's place. Had dinner at her place.. I had been working for almost 2 week. The work place is in Wanchai and aplenty of OLs are working there...ohhh ohhh .... well not at my office but the general surrounding.

My typical daily job is to verify any of the problems that France had regarding to the GSM module that my company produce, I will try to test it again or rewrite any of the C+ scripts to suit to the environment that the module being tested. So alot of hours behind the monitor.

Working environment is good, usually we have good lunch at the neighbouring places like roasted meat, cantonese fried noodles or alot of other stuff. But compared to singapore it's slightly expensive as we dine in cafe places. Today we dine at the cooked food center which cost around S$4 but the stuff is not that tasty.

I usually hang on at the office till 7 as I do not have much things to do or go after work. So after work, I will either take a walk down Causeway Bay to do alittle window shopping or took a ferry to Tsim Sha Tsui as the ferry trip back to Kowloon does save alot of transportation expenses.

SOmetimes I cook simple things like veggies with fish meat and noodles like what I did lastnite.. after that will do some laundry and watch TV.

So far I am looking to tomorrow work as there are a handful of pretty girls who take the same bus as me ..heeeehee.... But then ... normally on weekend, I will visit my uncle to drink some soup which he made...

Well that sums up all about a life being single in HK... yeah I live alone in HK... so everything is on me...

Din know how is singapore doing? Yesterday, a building beisde my office had a murder case as a female body was found in the air-con room...sounds ekkky.y...

2005-10-22T01:42:00.000+08:00

Well I had endured a week of work . It was an interesting week, under training with the French team . We work hard and also enjoy alot like meals under company account. Still cant wiped off the scene where we have 4-5 stacks of dim sum on the table, it's alot of skyscapers...haahaa...

I am still learning alot of stuff and now working hard to suit myself to the team. The only thing I miss is home cooked food. I cooked some simple things last night and felt good in it so will consider doing that too ... Met up with Amanda tonite with meal in a Thai Rest.. it was superb and with her driving, I was not really tired .... she is a wonder driver...

Well meet up with uncle this sunday but tomorrow will be studying my japanese....

2005-10-15T23:25:00.000+08:00

Well today a day off, so spend the morning sleeping.. it was relaxing... I think my work place is very good, the colleagues are very friendly to me. I do not mind having OT with them. Had Cezch chocolate from one of the colleague, that thing is heavy with orange flavour..

Saturday was spent going to City U to study my japanese. And also had dinner alone at Town center managed to get some snacks home. I think being alone in Hk, I can focus more about my work and my future studies.. I am now considering what should I study ? MEng ? or Japanese or something different. I will find out more from HKU about postgrad course....

Did not meet up with the girls.... feeling very moody with them...din know why ... tomorrow going to visit my grandparents grave...

2005-10-12T21:55:00.000+08:00

started my first day at work. not bad... so far the team are helpful and the manager is supportive but till now it's too early to tell ...Had another new co-worker with me but then, I prefer to work alone or not to be too dependent at this moment.

Did not managed to meet anyone for dinner as Lulu requested of asking sophia, but come on, sophia is in TST not in HK island...so din ask sophia.

2005-10-11T10:54:00.000+08:00

Well today had a BBQ with sharon's boyfriend's friends and jasmine and sofe. Well it is a nice little BBQ that differs from Singapore style. We BBQ our own food and also it's a smaller pit. We did have alot of food but it's sufficient for each of us.Camelia, Arthur's friend is very very tall ...towering at 1.71m shadowing most of myself...I was "woooooww" by the sight....

Yesterday was my first trip to Tsing Yi estate...very nice and organised like Tuen Mun..

Going to be working tomorrow...umph.. oh...hope it will be good

2005-10-09T16:06:00.000+08:00

Well it's my 3rd week in HK. Being totally alone and also finanically self-reliance. I am now trying my best to reduce my expenditure. I had been grazing alot of food lately and well I do want to skip a meal or two if possible as I had not do any sort of excersice for these entire period. One more thing, due to the mono-lingo of HK, I had not use my other language for so long that I am have some fear that they will just weathered away... ohhh.....

I had not eaten a single home-made meal...for so long that I am dying for it. I only well drank my uncle's soup yesterday. Never had so much soup in my stomach in one go... Outside food is nice but cant beat a home-made meal... sigh .. Can anyone offer me a meal in HK??

Going to open a telephone line today as my pre-paid sim card is running low on cash ... sigh .. more money to be spent...I am planning to get voda-smatone as the sms charges is the lowest..Will not be getting a new mobile as I am still able to cope with my current out-date phone...

2005-10-09T15:48:00.000+08:00

Well had a good saturday with my uncle and paid a visit to my grandparents' grave. It was hot and sunny but there were plenty of people there visiting their loved ones.

I do prefer tuenmun as people's standards are similar across the area, there are aplenty of government flats and thus they are all the same. We went for dim-sum and had alot of food.... tuen town center is the same, still vibrant and good. It was a good thing to have MAcDonalds' as the PR staff are usually pretty and well-groomed compared to Singapore. I din know but just felt that there is a lack of professionalism among service industry in Singapore when you compare normal retail outlets..but well ..shall not be too biased on this issue...

Out with brian for dinner at Sek Kep Mei...nice nice food and very local environment.... another good weekend had passed....

2005-10-08T15:47:00.000+08:00

Well signed a contract that sold my soul to a French company for 3 months, the only thing that keep me awake in my company is the coffee, freshly brewed from Pacific Coffee Co. beans in the pantry.... haaha.. hope they wont fire me during the process...Had a full dinner today, with roasted geese rice and well...out of no reason, I had a bowl of ramen in APM...kinda of nice to have good food once a while

2005-10-07T15:45:00.000+08:00

Well nothing much being done on thursday other than a lunch with sheng yan. Out for a while in town then back home. studying my japanese in the evening. I going to sign my contract later in the company but that is before my lunch with yvonne..so long had not see her, din know how she is now.

2005-10-05T01:14:00.000+08:00

I will end my freedom next wednesday as I had accepted an offer from an French company to work with them next wednesday. I hope I will survive in that company. I opt for this company as it's an MNC and it seems that there are more chance of progression in there.

I still think that I shall remain covert and low when comes to woman issue and shall not mention much things to my cohabit mate. I cannot see the point well, it's just an innocent suggestion to meet up with her friend for dinner but she seems to think way beyond that, that I am chasing so many of her friends at one go.... things are just simple in my life. I just want someone to company me for meals that's all... I shall adopt to my personal life tomorrow and well remain low when I met up with other people without mentioning to her..

I just want my life to be simple.. a dinner, just a dinner without any ulterior motives... gesshh...

Aniwei I have some thoughts about me and her, I do think that the chances are left to fate and it is rather slim... well got to admit failure...and see what I had done wrong this time..

Well got to wish me good luck in my new working life in HK. Hope everything will be smooth..

2005-10-01T11:07:00.000+08:00

Well got a job offer but it's a on-site work for a project. It is located at Lok Ma Chau which is slightly far from HK. I am still deciding if I should take up this offer as there is this french co. that is really nice and I had yet to meet up with the HR department to discuss with the salary but its a 3 month contract basis subject to renewal. UMphhh....I had considered myself quite lucky to have jobs after 2 weeks of landing in HK.

I felt that my expenditure had increased significantly and needed new influx of cash to substain my life. Transportation is very very expensive and took a large part of my cash.

About girls..well I taking it easy as per usual. I do think that if it will comes, it will . But the overly eager me will just rush into things and spolit every min of it ... Sigh ... I dont know ...Hope things will be smooth ... but i know it wont be ..

2005-09-28T11:51:00.000+08:00

Well been a week since I had left singapore, things are okie in HK. Today weather seems to be okie gaining back it's original self. The past days had been rainning and sunshine due to the passage of a typoon making havoc in the weather system.

I had been looking for jobs and went thro one of the company's interview. Due to my limited experience I am uncertain that they will hire me or well I do not know, I am rather uncertain what sort of decision should I give if they give me the golden call that they will hire me. Should I postphone that decision to accept or reject? I had only been to HK for a week and had the attention of 2 companies, is it a good sign or am I just lucky and take what is given or wait a bit longer?

I am now still finanically stable with minor expenditure on food and transport as I seldom shop, I only bought a polo-shirt using my cash that's all yesterday. The others, I tried to use my visa if permits so as to limit my drain in my cash in hk.

Not much of a sale had happened in HK as most shops are carrying the autnmn collection, I purchased a set of suit from G2000 for interviews as it's HK culture to wear suit for interview. IT's super hot and uncomfortable...arrghghh.....

Been helping out my friend to secure some part-time jobs during her stay in hk as well I had been job-hunting recently so that should not be a hassle, besides I do have some tingering little butterflies flopping in my stomach when I am with her..what does that means... oh boy..it's obvious ain it ? I am working hard in having more chances to be with her... been rather luckless these days and I can foresee that my luck will ran out soon.. damn, I am usually pretty accurate in this...but hope this time is otherwise.... else... I really just pack up my bags and leave hk and go elsewhere (not even Sg)

I had been studying for my japanese too been a pretty hardworking boy with the occasional distraction from TV and other entertainment.... hope i will survive

2005-09-23T12:17:00.000+08:00

Well back in hongkong, alot of things had happened.

I had managed to be on the plane with a friend of mine, I had known her 3 years ago and lost her after that. It was an unwelcoming end that time after all things did not go according as what I had planned .

Been out with Jasmine and her friends, we are doing fine. Sophia is good. We are out mostly on shopping trips. I still put a belt on my wallet as I do not want to make myself broke after only days of arrival.

I also been looking for jobs in Hongkong so far luck is with me and there are 3 replies and one out of 3 I had been interviewed over the phone, experience gained and applied to next round. Monday will have a one-2-one interview..ohhh boy.... going to buy a set of suit as in Hongkong they are pretty dress conscious.

Tonite I will be going to Lan Kwan Fong if time permits. Time for my breakfast

2005-09-13T01:01:00.000+08:00

Well busy meeting with friends and concluding my japanese as I am leaving for sometime now. The begin of another phase of my life had begun.

What lies ahead , I hope things will be smooth and alright. Yet to pack my stuff as I was busy with other necessary things. I will be more able after wednesday as class is over and trip preparation takes the front seat.

Hope everything is good ..

2005-09-06T12:45:00.000+08:00

Well ended my national service but as usual due to the normal mess up, i have to make 3 trips to the base to collect my IC..darn.... been busy with my revision class lately.. day in day out.. very tiring but interesting.

2005-08-30T15:39:00.000+08:00

Umph been focusing on my lanaguage after all the things had been settled down. I have a mock test tomorrow and had been studying dilligently over the past days. Tomorrow will meet up with Jasmine and sophia, going to hand her my keys and hope everything will be fine.

I had stopped swimming for the past few days as due to my friday swim, I overworked my back I cannot blamed it as I had not touched the water for the past 2 months plus but now I got better. Will swim whenever is possible.

2005-08-23T22:28:00.000+08:00

Umph. Been busy with my housechores and other minor stuff, cleaned up the house and also study abit of japanese here and there. I am still poundering to work in Singapore or HK... HK offer a lower pay and I do not know . I shall complete my JLPT prep course first before making any decision. Feeling low lately, there is only one way for me to overcome it is to face the situation I am having now.

2005-08-18T09:41:00.000+08:00

Well, back from a bangkok trip. It was wonderful since it was my first trip with friends. My Jc mates, we had fun and enjoy the stay generally. Food and stuff were cheap or well interesting nice compared to this island.

I felt that most of the islanders prefer to taste local food and also MBK goods, but I did not buy anything from MBK due to the low quality of the clothes. We ate alot and confined our eating activities in Emporium.

We had made a general observation that the Thai females are generally slim and we seldom encounter any ladies that are slight off the scale. I understand that this is just a premature statement but, any given day in orchard things are usually ugly at best.

We are uncertain of the differences in the Thais as some of them have tanned skin and other are very fair. But overall their complexion is good as they devoid of any little pores or pimples found in this island popluation. This could be caused by the weather or the genetic differences in us.

Looking at the Thais who are fairer, they are more like chinese then the island's chinese due to their smooth skin and fair complexion but overall the height is the same.

I could be stating these statements abit too early but this is what I had seen after 4days in bangkok.

2005-08-11T11:43:00.000+08:00

Well had a leaky nose over the past 2 days, yet to see a doc and now self-medicating. Hope everything is fine for the bangkok trip on sunday. So far nothing much in particular, lesson in the afternoon as usual.

Feeling abit tired that could be attribute to the sensitive nose of mine. I had resort to sleeping early as the nite were overly warm and not very good for me to linger on, perfer to wake up early to do my things.

Today woke up around 9+ as it's my birthday after all, decided to do nothing today but will go for lessons today. Sophia had not reply me as she promised to dine with me tonite but ermm mostly likely I will be having meals on my own. I do not really feel like relying on people these days..

Singapore is still at such a warmly stage..I do not feel comfortable with it

2005-08-06T11:43:00.000+08:00

Well had not been able to update my blog over these days as my internet connection is rather doggy. I had seeked help from singtel but they refuse to handle internet problems so problem was pushed to singnet and again refer me back to singtel. Sigh.

Booked a trip to bangkok on the 14th with George and Patrick, hope it's going to be fun.I had stopped dancing for a while and focus on my japanese.

I am now a full time student, the class is small around 4 but so far I managed to learn alot but I still prefer Sasaki sensei but well not much a choice but continue to protray my motivation in it so as to keep the spirt up and not to let sasaki sensei down.

2005-07-29T22:03:00.000+08:00

Well stayed at home the entire day or almost, I had lost the motivation to go back to camp to rot thus I gave myself off and vaccum the house as my dad is returning tomorrow.

Met up with Sophia for brunch as she is the only one who is free and nearby on this normal workday for everyone. We had Mac and well walk to JE. Its was pretty normal. I return home and went swimming but did not swim much as they are relaying the tiles on the pool but swimming was such a joy as it made me relaxed and happy.

Managed to watch crazy in Alabama, it was a okie show but no worries. I did intended to go town as I need search for some decals for my plane but since Maurren could not meet me up for dinner, I resort to rot at home. Went to the nearby place for dinner and return home and completed my Japanese homework for tomorrow. Time really flies when you are busy.

2005-07-29T11:42:00.000+08:00

Well I had suddenly realised that my stash of kits are more than I thought and I will never be able to build them all so thus putting some on e-bay.

Went for car showroom today in the evening with dad, toyota was alright but sadly mitsubishi folks were nowhere insight thus we cannot ask them anything or how the car function. ohh bother. Narrowing down between nissan or toyota.

Life had improved alittle with private transport for communting

2005-07-28T17:54:00.000+08:00

Met up with sophia last nite for dinner, as usual she is awfully late and well attempted to make her treat supper and she did. She does have everything under control but still suffer from minor boy-girl relationship. I guess after having company for so many years and now got to be alone, sort of hard to adjust, she was fortunate that there are guys who are willing to company her but she does need to take her pick as she is going serious with this coming one, whoever is that one.

ME? still hanging on, as I got more major issue to settle now and I still think of devoting the time to my parents first.

2005-07-26T00:04:00.000+08:00

Well today ended with a very happy tone. Last class of the course but everyone is jolly, I was jolly as I am now able to break free and release from my conformed character moulded to me by this society. I felt that I was not given a stare or anything but just we are the same..

Tonite there is no differences in gender and all of us had fun. We are just a group of kids having no concern of each other motive in this course. We accept who we are. We are able to follow the instructor's move excellently and despite that our move are not execute in perfect style but to me, it was the best I had done and the results are shown. I left the studio as a happy man but sad that my small group of friends wont be with me for the next course, Margaret is going overseas and other have plans... I also have plans but I will not give up on this, I will pursue this when I move to a new place ...

I had fallen in love with dance.....

2005-07-25T01:06:00.000+08:00

Well watched ET on Channel 5 just now. It was nice to see the 80s again, days when I was a kid and I am still in the comfort zone from adults. The centipede at the playground where ET changed a ride from the van to the BMX is familar to that one I played when I was a kid in Tuen Mun.

The BMx.. a 80s must have for kids, I longed for one and got one at redhill. It was a blue one with a little bell on top. I considered to be pretty stylish taht time.. (haa..) The days where Computers are for scientist and geinus and we are stuck with real toys like board game and flurry animals and those die-cast matchbox cars.... missed the wonderful old days.

There was a scene where ET knew making phone calls after he watch a show where an grandpop phone across the states to listen to an family with a kid. They exclaimed that it will cost a fortune to make a long distance.... yup it was ...it cost a bomb and my family only did it on seaonsal occasions then....we were very very delighted when we hear our relatives voice over the phone...sweet memories .....now..just anytime anywhere...I can reach anyone anywhere

But ET is much more interesting than War of the Worlds both under the same director, maybe 80s make me look like a kid again but it's a feel good and happy movie for ET where aliens came down happily for a can of coke and joyride on a BMX compared to the recent alien where they just zapped everyone and suck their blood.

Personally I was really happy that I stick to ET tonite and did not surf the channel as I was more interested in waht was on MTV channel.

2005-07-24T21:42:00.000+08:00

Well did not go out today, despite it's a sunday as my original plan of going to blade in ECP was postphoned till din know when cos of the weather.

I did enjoy the exclusive time of being alone at home, reading book and also doing my hobby. Building a CF-188B hornet now, sprayed that plane and awaiting it to dry.

I had been reading alot of books lately and China Dog is a nice book. It consist of a couple of short stories about chinese mirgant moving to Canada around the 50s and I can say it does remind us of our elderly generation, felt so close with this book after reading it..Chinese migrant moving to a unknown land and work day in day out. It reminds me of my uncles in UK. Very warmly feeling after reading the book.

I had also reading a femalish book now called "reinventing mona" it's sort of like Bridget Jones diary but it's quite funny and interesting. Well I need to widen my choice of books, guess I did it from Human Origins, thrillers to such stuff..

This story is about Mona who want to get her child-hood sweetheart called Adams, but the trouble is she had not ever commited to an relationship before thus she hire a "professional" for help. The pro is a columnist for some male mag eg MAxim that degrades woman in his monthly articles.. so far I had only read half of it. It's quite interesting.

I managed to get LUX roses and wine that comes with a nice smell. Awfully cheap irish product but its good . I got sick of those sports smelling shower cream at this moment.

2005-07-23T22:43:00.000+08:00

Umph Saturday.

Went for a swim downstairs and did not really lap much due to the incoming weather. Spent the entire afternoon watching LOST on Axn. It is really neat that they put them 5 epidose per week from 12 noon till 5pm but of course due to my jap lesson, I have to leave after 3 and half hours.

I just managed to sqeeze all the juices from 10 oranges from my fridge as my mum bought crates of them (joking..) and they are turning bad soon if no one going to eat them. I can only consume 2 a day so this seems to be a better option. I do have freshly squeeze OJ in my fridge now with lots and lots of plups. I like plups as they make you think the juice is pure and not those from concentrate..

Tomorrow if weather is good shall go blading..

2005-07-21T00:43:00.000+08:00

Wednesday mid-week. I had finished an entire novel from last nite till just now. It was a simple novel that could be suited for younger audience but I do have a feel of finishing a novel as soon as possible. It was written by a bus driver from London called restrain of the beast. Talked about fence mending and the 3 fence mender..Quite an interesting book compare to Origins of Humans.

I was in luck to be able to catch a friend for dinner tonite as I was tired of eating takeaways from coffeeshops. They are oily and just bored of it for eating it everyday. Met Jovene at Holland.V, we pop by the FOS store that I will never venture there even I have time but they do have neat clothings which are similar to that one found in City Square. But nothing caught my fancy which may be a good choice since I can save on my wallet.

HAd pasta at NYDC, it was errmm normal as I was too in-depth with other stuff to think of what to eat. But the company was good and I do enjoy tonight's dinner. I managed to learnt alot of stuff like fishes or wildlife from her. I was more into human origins and the creation of the earth's wildlife.....

Felt hungry just now and had some biscuits and chocolate milk.

2005-07-19T20:15:00.000+08:00

Well talked with someone from school today. She studied overseas and back for summer intern. She offered me a different presecptive in life. She always want to do something she like in life, I can only dream of that when I was in her age but she was happy with what she is doing now. This is perhaps the luckiest thing can happen to someone, the money could be little but the satisfication is good. She mentioned she enjoy waitressing despite the low pay but offered her alot of happiness. Oh.. maybe she came from a well-do family where money is not a priority in life. I do not know but I will remember her saying :

If you are able to make someone's life happy or brightened up their day just by being nice or say hello, it will be a meaningful life.

Boy...wish I could do that.. all I can do was just twiched my mouth to show that I smile alittle when I feel like being good to someone..something for a tot.

Had dinner at Carl's JR yest after class, it was good the serving was big and it was a very happy moment for me over dinner. Their service is excellent but I am uncertain if they will upkeep this level of service once they have more customers. I also felt that for a $10 a burger meal which is almost 45% more of MAc, this could turn small eaters which are typical in this island off. Wish them luck ...

2005-07-15T14:29:00.000+08:00

Convocation was a blast, it was the last time that I will see so many of my friends at one time. It was rather okie without much fanfare and it was alright. Did managed to took photos with alot of other people.. Gald that I made it that long.

Went out with makkio and yusuko and miho n gang to have a dinner at macau cafe at bugis junction. Only the portuguese baked rice gave me the best impression of all.. but over all was good. We went to Liang Siang St for some coffee and sadly I order a coffee with whiskey which did not even taste good. After a couple of slips... I just let it rot....Managed to chit chat alot of stuff.... quite happy about it

2005-07-13T11:27:00.000+08:00

Umphh.... nothing much really happened or well..feeling rather independent lately... guess when you get older you need to do things you want to do..even if there is no one accompanying you ...

2005-07-11T22:20:00.000+08:00

Well..today went to SIM for classes....it was a long long long enduring tortoure for me as it's 3 hours of the same module... I had attend longer school hours in NTU but this is 3 hours of continous blah blah blah blah.... ohh....still have more to come....but the things covered is interesting, just that I am too old for long hours of class..

During night class, I had a new instructor. she was called Jennifer...I had a hard time catching up with her and her style definitely need sometime for me to adjust... I miss Alicia... arghh... today I felt my bones just broke after the class.....ouch.. I will just drag my body to work tomorrow.....

2005-07-09T23:58:00.000+08:00

Begin to reach out and explore the areas where I had not before. MAnaged to understand new things and of course accept new environment so far it's been motivating.

I had put my japanese into good use over these days. Last night had a dinner with my Japanese friends and it was a intensive lesson for me. I had a hard time to catch up on their conversation and think in their language but I believe I will adapt to it soon... I need some time...

2005-07-07T21:02:00.000+08:00

I was rather joyed that London had won the 2012 Olympics but why do I have any concern about things happening in London? Well, I do have fond memories of it after recent trips and prolonged stay during my early teen years.

This evening, I felt my heart had sunk when news of the blast came thro my mind. I was rather uneasy over the fate of my dad. Well he works in London and in the London Underground. Sense of worries ran across me as mobile phone was congested over there after my calls, but soon came relief that my pop was alright. He e-mailed me oh boy..thank god....the feeling was short-lived but not really want to have it in the near future.

Well shall stick to BBC and CNN at this moment

2005-07-07T00:12:00.000+08:00

Oh... watched War of the Worlds... and Initial D all in one afternoon in JB.. cheap and well minus those pesty "smart" audiences who were behind me discussing the ending or some crap.WOW... about some alien that came to our earth thro some lighting and into their sotong looking machine that was buried millions of years before since we existence... managed to rise up one fine day when we observed that Tom Curise have a lousy day at work and begin to zap people into millions of pieces with their "hoo-haa" zappers... Tom and his family ran and tried to escape and somehow the aliens die off one fine day and our world is safe once again..then came with the ending that qouting something about the earth thing...umphh ohh well..sound so Victorian times...

I was rather confused with the ending ... why do those sotongs just started to walk in a queer fashion and lost their defense system? These made them a free-frag for those GIs with their big TOW anti-tankk missile.. and then the ending was showed with all the sotongs keep falling down. . . ??

I wondered is it those alien or visitors that sucked too much of our blood and infected with Aids and lost their protective sheild got killed off? ? But one thing to figure, if they like our blood so much why do they have a goofy good time blasting us into pieces at the first place.... it's a rather waste of food dont you think so? Guess those highly intelligent beings were not well-taught in table manners...playing with their food..another thinking ..if they will like to treat earth as their playground, why dont they just come and suck us dry while we were still living in cave holes instead of when Tom Curise arrives with a bunch of blokes with rockets? umphh aniwei overall it's a nice show but I take intial D over this one this time...

Aniwei the movie ending was based on the novel written by HG Wells (1898), that was concurred with the classic version of it (1953). Those alien blokes that are so smart with their zappers did not figure out a way to fight earth own bacteria infection and got quirkly and died off.... oh well.... at least Steven Spielberb did not change the ending...else it will be called Independence Day ...Again..

My advise to them : Better luck next time

2005-07-05T23:59:00.000+08:00

Okie..finally I can say that I had recovered from the illness and pain I had been having these days. Was at home the whole day, baking myself under this heaty weather with a afternoon swim that cool me down. The pool was empty which was good as I dislike crowded ones. Manage to catch up a few laps and well din even took a nap in the noon.

Busy studying my japanese... quite a normal day. . I presume. Tomorrow shall go back to camp ..it's seems that I had not set a foot onto it since last wednesday.... oh boy... that feels good

2005-07-05T01:07:00.000+08:00

Oh... I just finished with the Super Hornet project that took me 3 months on and off, fitted in a black box pit that is absolutely gorgeous ...and of course twobobs decals..... and some Paveways from Hasegawa. I felt proud of my new "girlfriend" she looks excellent and guys in my field do admit it too.... well shall be happy and start on my next project for the phantom group build....

This is life.... well..at this moment....plastic, glue, paint and harmful chemicals....

I just visited Art Friend at Ngee Ann City...it's cool that they bring in all those Badger airbursh products and of course the most important 3M gas filter that will keep all those toxins from my lungs....

2005-07-05T00:38:00.000+08:00

Well....still on the path of recovery. Went out early before my class starts today, we did some new moves which I have absolutely 100% difficulty in following. . ... gave up half way and instructor was commenting that I should not just trash it out of the window...and should tried my best.. I understand what she said...managed to catch a bit more later on.. aniwei I hope next class I will be better...

Seems fate had change the things in life, what happened to be so close yet I did not realised it... but then it's okie it could be a start of a entirely new activities that will bring joy in my miserable life.... shall not hope for more just wish for a simple nice return...

2005-07-04T15:53:00.000+08:00

Well read this article in today's papers.It was about marrying your first love and it seems that in our generations, there is a slim chance that we will be marrying the 1st love due to many complications we have now comapre to our past generations.

The article was true that we will try to have different company and thro that we will narrow down our selection that will be more precise and accurate...

I agree to that but how about , not even trying at all cos at that moment you know that it's is a waste of both time if we had tried?Sometimes I do have that thoughts on somebody... maybe I could be wrong..

2005-07-04T00:35:00.000+08:00

Oh boy..... A series of unfortunate events had happened to me... I got stung by some sea creature while I was paddling my board out. I was improving.. as I managed to get the sail up and covered some distance till that little dumb shit took my foot as lunch.... Went for a jab and under medication... I am now $30 poorer.... contribution to the medical society.. My foot is now swollen like a pig trotters and it's a pain the ass....arggh!!

I managed to limp my ass to cineleisure for a movie. "Be with you" "今会いに行きます" "Ima-Aini-Yukimasu" it was a nice show, it was funny at times and the cast are nice but the story was excellent. I was very touched by the twist in the end of the movie that made it more special.. I will say , it worth my $9.50 for today... i guess not alot of people want to know the story... you should just watch it ...

next show ..... "世界の中心で、愛をさけぶ " or "Crying Out Love In The Center Of The World"

2005-07-02T22:05:00.000+08:00

"Can I have a italian BMT , a foot please ..... with extra cheese and mustard..." The attendant just stare at me blindly as I felt she had not receieved a order of a foot size long subway before from a thin, slim man..... ohh .. yeah that was my dinner..It was a good feeling to have a foot long of those monsters under your hand and savour the cheese and the onions ...with mustard....

I was not that hungry but still able to swallow this monster without much effort... it was good food anyway and I do not foresee myself being fat after that little piece of bread.... I will just get taller ...hee.... nothing much today still on the path of recovery after a nasal infection...just sleep , eat, sleep...

2005-06-30T23:09:00.000+08:00

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. And God blessed them, and God said to them, Be fruitful, and multiply...

Huamns sub-classification :

afer (African)
americanus (Native Amercian)
asiaticus (E. asian)
europaeus (European)
monstrous (Similar to Fuegians)

Well in spite of all these I felt that I belonged to the last group....oh bother...

2005-06-25T22:53:00.000+08:00

I have this thing that keep me puzzled....its about human behaviour in singapore...

To a girl:

If you felt some guy is looking at you, do you feel flattered that there is something special about you that managed to grasp a person's attention? OR : you felt intruded that he is some sort pervert that is looking at girls that make you give him the crossed look?

If someone approach you to said that you are pretty , will you be once again flattered by the opposite gender's comment? (lets assume that he qouted it in a very genltemanly manner.. )
OR : you once again want to take out your pepper spray and just fogged that poor little gentleman's face with pepper?

I do feel that of course in my personal opinion, as I do not want to create any blacklash that is so typical in this island... ladies tend to put us the male homospecians in a negative extremity that our innocent glance to sights beyond her is regarded as a long soul-searching stare into their own self. I do applaud to their high situation awarness and of course self-conscioussness are a marvellous trait ... oh well but do one lady need to be so self-defensive to treat us as some loony?...isn't one aim took all the time to dress out nicely just to be a little different and of course appreciated by the public?

I do know that singapore have the lowest number of sexual-related crimes and of course , never had experienced some crazy activities conducted by some insane people in the public before but yet ladies do put on their extreme self-defensive mechanism once they had encountered the questions I posted up there.... I do not know why...

I had been to Europe where their wild activities are more frequent and of course suffered from more sexual-related crimes then this island but the ladies really understand a genlteman and treat them nicely...

I once enaged in a converstaion with a African-Londoner, tall slim young lady in a tube after I comment about her in a netural manner... we were just having causal talks and go our own ways after a nice little chat, that's all. it something that really brighten our days... I do simile on the road in my district when I met people on the street, the place is near Canary Wharf or WhiteChapel, it was a not too friendly place but yet people simile back.....

I just wonder waht does our population react if I conduct such activities in this island.I will be treated as some insane creep...... I think it's sad that our upbringing have made us not knowing the people around us and of course just "push the red nuclear button" if we see someone just looking at us. We just become overly protective of ourself...well usual answer to my question is " we are living in a asia culture...so we are more conservative..." wow... that is a "excellent" answer....

2005-06-25T21:39:00.000+08:00

Ohh..... I have known why I always put mode of transport by sea as my last option. I went to try out windsurfing today....I spent most of the time in the sea, gluping sea water...and being thrown around by the waves.... after a few hours, I put out my white flag and retreated back to the shore.. I was feeling sick of all those oily sea water.... finally I tried something different.....Had lunch at Bedok hawker and ate anything I could see but of course din want to overeat .....

today japanese class was fun... I din know why but seems that the class seems to be more friendly as we had know each other better....Felt tired , went to Tiong Bahru plaza change train and headed home...train was slow and unstable due to SMART have little experience in pulling extra trains services .... oh well...

2005-06-23T00:03:00.000+08:00

Oh.. My boss or the Sqn CO had given me a half day off, I do not know the reason behind it but I will just gladly accept it. Nothing much had changed over these days but I begin to get addicted to Canterbury's polo. I dont know why. I had purchased one at herren 2 weeks back and now another one... I felt good getting these clothes... maybe I just feeling stupid.

Will take my off on coming monday so that I can go for my lesson during that evening. It will be more comfortable for me to make such a trip to class.

Will be meeting KEn and Jun for dinner tomorrow. It's been sometime since I last saw jun. I guess she is busy with her overseas trip and christian stuff... how lucky.... Got to work tomorrow.. hope no more monitor lizard came into my workplace..

2005-06-21T00:03:00.000+08:00

Had an uneventful workday if you do not consider an encounter with an enormous monitor lizard in your workplace toliet as one. Yup this little fellow, blackie as we christened it whose body is the lenght of my upper torso and well his tail ..i din bother... lucky it did not move that fast and thus someone managed to lead a way for blackie back into the open.....

I was glad that I did not share the same cubicial as blackie... I'm just not used to wildlife...

2005-06-19T21:29:00.000+08:00

I begin to wonder..... what wrong with the public on this island? I prefer to spend my sunday alone all by myself thus I go blading, swimming , shopping blah blah .. on my own. It had become my personal time for myself to complete my errands and stuff. I do not find it's a big deal that I should be with somebody... I do not mind having company but when you dont and need to achieve something, I just do it with me , myself and I.....

I had begin to bumped into friends in ECP and they give me a bewildered look when they are aware that I blade alone... they just give me the expression that why you still want to go out when no one is joining you.... it silly for you to blade with yourself.... I really have to wonder the validity of their reactions, going to ECP on sundays is sort of a routine for me. it a time for me to relax and be with myself not with friends if there is none during that day and I am fine with that. With or without friends, I will be there.. I begin to think, if I do not have anyone to be with, I should be at home and never to venture out? I felt this is silly as we must live life based on our own liking and opinion...I will not have a time that I blamed myself for not doing things which I like because there is nobody to join me.. this is lame. I am no longer a kid. . . I act on my own instructions....nevermind them... they just din understand it... and I just din bother to explain as it's futile..

Was in Ikea today, as the sudden urge to have their food make me go all the way there after I bladed. The diner was full so I managed to find a seat with a couple. Ask them if it's taken and they shook their head. While having my meal, I observed that they are looking at me, they just give me a queer look....."wHy do this chap eat alone? it's after all a sunday" Well I was not amused as there are other tables just give me the same "stare and cannot stop starting " face.
I observed such situation as there are people who just stare blankly at you and all other action just stopped.....their eye balls are good in maintaining a lock-on on your body and sway in the direction of my movement.

I wonder what is the problem with having a day with myself? Does this means that I am alone, I should not go ikea and look for a book rack? I should not eat ? I should not do anything else?? Silly...silly.. had this island turn to a situation that we should go toliet only if there is company?

Oh well. I just did what I need to do today and felt good. . and nevermind those silly stares ..

I'm just walking my belief that's all.

2005-06-19T21:24:00.000+08:00

Went blading today, thinking umph..... what make us so special compared to apes and chimps. One thing that is different, we can walk upright and not with our feet and hands. It is remarkable that us human have such distinctive trait in our evolutionary journey as it sounds more logical that by walking up right we can see farther as we are taller but it is more eifficient in walking on 2 legs then four.... With this, we can save the energy for other task like creating another offspring per year. It maybe only one but that could be a difference between survival and extiniction..umph ...

But felt it is more important that by walking upright, we free our hand for other task. Such task that will be meaningful in our path. Our hand can now create tools and of course holding on to food... but with our lungs being upright, we are given the chance to speak, a chance to communicate in complex manner....we became somethine different then our cousins and work in a group thro communication. ... umphh that for a tot.

Oh yeah one thing, our brain rely on fats and proteins for growth thus with a bigger brain comes with higher level of intelligence..thus... our forfathers are carnivores...but it's good as this gives us bigger brain capacity... ummph put this point to our modern friends, the vegetarians... does that means they are heading to an evolutionary doom in tens of thousands of years to come? ummphh lucky i eat meat...

2005-06-17T00:43:00.000+08:00

Wont it be easier if our level of intelligence is slight lower than what we are now? less worries, less problems.... it seems to be a silly comment but sometimes, living life with simplicity does have a good point but nevertheless it's something I will had never be able to achieve. I do not know why, my life is going fine according to my context but deep within there are alof of things I will like to resolve. I wondered does everyone have the similar feeling as me ? do you spend your time resolving your problems or take it as it is?

I had been pre-occupied with stuff that hide my own self, is it a good thing ? I do not know as I felt these problems I am having now do not have a instant solution. I felt hopeless thus by doing more things, I make myself felt useful but am I really ? This is a difficult thing to say.. oh boy... life at cross road.... oh boy..

2005-06-15T12:43:00.000+08:00

There is a saying in Darwin's evolution, all living matters must came from another living matter. It will be silly to qoute that living organism came from non-living matter... it is quite sensible when you think of it... but one may ask

Where does the 1st living matter came from? It's understood that amino acids are the basic blocks of life.A little hydrogen, amoinoa and nitrogen with a little electric spark we will get the fundemental blocks of life but..errmphh they are just little blocks like bricks and how it is going to be used to build a house or this case humans?

Application of energy will of course help in the creation of more complex structures but it could also results in the disintergration of the amino acids, sort of like applying explosive to a pile of bricks and expecting a house to be build after the explosion.... that possbility is rather remote....

Aniwei the process of builing a more complex life-like organism from amino acid is still very much debateable... I shall think about it later as my Lunch time is ending soon.. back to work.. argghh

2005-06-15T00:45:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I wondered, it is okie to come clean or just let the little problem stick in your mind?In terms of butterflys and bees crap, I always the one who want to come clean, telling others what I felt. . . . it just a bit stupid of me to brust it out in one shot. I felt that I always have the guilt inside me of hurting others but in reality nothing really big had happened...

I am standing on the extreme side of things... what a bloke I am... aniway got to live and learn....

Learn to hide and conceal what I had inside me, I will rather run till I get out of breath then tell another person what I am feeling now... or future... I must try to confide to myself as I believe nothing is going to make my life a little bit miserable if I follow this way...umph...

By hiding you are still in the game and thus do not create such an extreme situation that is hard for you recover it but only left for you is to clear up the shit you had made thus... it give me a better option....then the earlier.... umphhWhether it's right or bullshit...

I got to live, try , learn....

2005-06-14T11:42:00.000+08:00

Well I had a wonderful monday evening. Signed up for the entire package and had my very 1st session, the pace was alright but after all it was my 1st try I still had difficulty in following the crowd. I was dead tired after that as I had bladed on sunday .

I guess I will tone down my blading this coming sunday as the monday after this, I will have make up session for the things I had missed.

It's good to take up something different.

2005-06-12T20:58:00.000+08:00

Well had been an relaxing weekend. Sat met up with Patrick and George, I was planning to shop for clothes. My mood need a diversion that why I opt for shopping after all I had not bought any single piece of clothing in Singapore since a year ago. . yup . . . my stuff came from hk..

I realised that I received my NS pay and thus the journey of shopping begins. In the end I got myself a polo-T from Canterbury,it was either this or Mizuno but Canterbury is more interesting as we seldom see anyone wearing it in singapore. So.... the choice was obvious... I dislike Nikes or addias as it's too well ermrm everyone got one..

I also get a pair of berms from Sammuel and Kelvin. nothing much compared to other happy shoppers but it's alot to me...

I realised that I had more things in my mind that keep on popping up that make me less on a lookout to the opposite gender in orchard that day.. I guess... well ... umph bother....

We ended up in Geylang for dinner eating those froggy legs, they are nice but not addictive thus will just say it's good...looking back...I felt better now after shopping , now i know why girls did that everyday...

Today just blade again in ECP from Fort Rd to Changi end and back..nothing much in particular..

2005-06-10T00:13:00.000+08:00

Frankenstein ...ohh well I do have some minor similiarities with this tall blocky chap...dont i??

"I am alone and miserable; man will not associate with me; but one as deformed and horrible as myself would not deny herself to me. My companion must be of the same species and have the same defects. This being you must create."

somehow I felt the same.... yeah I am feeling I'm a monster when handling such relationship matters...

"Mingled with this horror, I felt the bitterness of disappointment; dreamns that had been my food and pleasant rest for so long a space were now become a hell to me; and the change was so rapid, the overthrow so complete!"

quick transition from last week to today.... ohh boy... I am in basement 100th floor now...

"I am chained in an eternal hell."

Yeah ..fuch..should had done this earlier to prevent any foul-up from happening...

2005-06-09T14:53:00.000+08:00

Natural of life:

A swallow B, if B dies it's called eating
A swallow B, if A dies it's called infection
A swallow B, if both still alive, it's called a symbiotic relationship

2005-06-08T23:58:00.000+08:00

Work:

Drinking a can of Coke after long hours at work : $0.40
Having a good lunch at the base canteen : $3.50
Getting a new set of uniform : $10
Having a air-conditioned car for outbase trip to changi : PRiceless.

2005-06-07T23:50:00.000+08:00

Well today was a busy day for me with paperwork and other offbase duties.I managed to met up with Makkio,Jasmine,Yasuko and their boss for a dinner, it was okie. I was not in the mood to talk much not because it's a Japanese converation but I was spirted away somewhere.

After dinner we head for a drink, I was hesitant at first as I was in my uniform and do not want to get caught. After much thinking, I decided to go for it, afterall I can lose so much for the past few days, there is little left for me that is worth keeping for.

We went to the living room at Marriot hotel, okie it was werid to see me in uniform but ..one thing for sure, I do not give any concern. Order some gin and drink...(I wondered who is the bloke that said once you are drunk, you will forget) all I have was a headached and still the mind is till working... that is bulls.....ohh...my head is heavy...

2005-06-07T11:17:00.000+08:00

Feeling the full effect of last nite workout now...legs are like jelly.
But the good thing about this is I do not feel sleepy, I always feel this way after long duration of workout.

Was out in Bukit Panjang Plaza to get MAc breakfast.. oh that is quite nice but abit pricey so I guess it's a once in a while treat.

I do not feel like going home tonite thus I am asking my friends out for company, I just want someone to be there as I am still having the same problem as last nite.I guess what Dawn had said was partly true, maybe I was not given the time to provide what is needed. Time and fate is not on my side as always... sigh ..

2005-06-07T01:02:00.000+08:00

我的戀愛日記

大了一天也不會變是我始終因你牽掛大半天
如在你身邊誰也看不見伴你一天夠快樂十年
誰沒有心機誰最喜歡你未到一九九八跨過下世紀
仍沒有心死仍欠點勇氣讓我揀一串水晶煉送給你期望你知
誰的愛沒有分限期

如你偷看這床頭日記我傻傻地望你怕從沒再會期
看著誰步過校門遙遙地說我很愛你從那天世界
完全屬你愛埋藏在日記你甜蜜那日期約會然後再預期
期望下次你不會說別離

而我的世界仍然屬於你我仍懷著志氣愛原沒有限期
這夜仍舊要別離無人望見我輕吻那空氣

曲：鄭中基
詞：歐志深

2005-06-06T20:13:00.000+08:00

I do not know what had I did to make her avoid me. I just want to have more time with her as I enjoy her company. I just feel good with her...I had only met her for a week but inside me there is only her. I dont know why but I just want to have more time with her and see how things can develop.I ............... just I just like her... I made a wholly mistake by appearing at her concert despite her insistence that I should not go.. I .. I just want to be there for her when she need support... but left as I do not want her to use the effort and time to accompany me when this was her private moment with her friends......

I do not know what wrong I had did that I ended up like this. . . . . . We could have go blading on sunday and a nice dinner but that was a dream..a dream that only happen in my mind..never in my life... I felt the whole world is falling onto me..

I guess I was selfish being I , I , I all the time and do not ask her about me, does she enjoy the company? does she enjoy the things I did? Does she get bored after 3 hours of my talk? Did she felt repelled by my presence on sat? or any other day?? I just too concern about myself and not her....

In the wake of these incident, I do not think I can forget her. Sunday, I blade and blade and still my mind is all about her....Today after leaving work early, I went to run for 4K and swim for I do not know when.... I surface when I felt very comfortable floating lifelessly in the water with little breathing..Guess drowning was a comfortable way out.. I hope my weariness will make my mind shut off but, I cant.....I do not know why but she will always seems to be the one that give me some hope when others just give me the disappointed look...

it's been almost a year and half that I had this sort of feelings in me again.. I admit that during this period of time, there are chances for me to develop but the feeling refused to grow and kindly turn them down ..... I felt a sense of total failure in my life, this is not the first time but the other 2 times when I truly felt for someone... Am I not capable of loving someone? I often give it all but in the end, they just walk away never to give me a chance to explain...Do I have to resort to my fate and lead a lonely life...? ? ?

I shall not cry but nevertheless tears roll down my cheeks as I am someone who does not really give all to anyone in my walk of life and now I had focus on her and yet she is gone...

I am thankful for all the wonderful times you had shared with me and I hope you enjoy the days together....

( I hope I do not cause any pain in you)

Sorry Gigi as I make you look bad and have to manage my selfish thoughts and that I did not give any thought about your feelings as friends......

2005-06-05T23:01:00.000+08:00

Well sunday, I did managed to get a haircut..... and went to blade despite being turned down. The weather was too tempting so without much planning I head down alone...

I reached there around 12 it was already flocked with people.I did not do much but just went to the extreme end of the changi side that I had never ventured before...it was quiet and it's a place I want to be in this mood of time.I just want to blade as fast as I can. I felt that by doing this, I can escape from the reality and thus I blade from Mac-changi and changi-fort...and fort-seafood area.I was not focusing on the view or people in the park, just looking straight and down on the road and tried to move my butt in supersonic speed........ but in the end I still feel moody.

Took a break at the end of east coast and saw many people windsurf...oh well my moody shitup mind just took me to that sea sports club's counter and signed up for windsurfing lesson and a membership..... in aniticipation that I get drown (quick exit from life) ....That is what you get when you got wash out in love and started to feel empty in this world. Everywhere you see everyone have another one in their heart... for me.. nothing.. so join that windsurf and hope with a stomach full of seawater I can forget what I am going through now. .. . . . . . .

Well along the way I caught a glimse of someone that made my heart melt ... oh well.. I could not take up the courage to approach her and then just speed off as fast as my little legs can drag that pair of heavy blades of mine...oh yeah at that instant, I felt that the blades weighed a ton.....so all the way I flew to fort road withour stopping like some kid running away....it's my escape from the sad reality...

So after 4 hours of blade, the session was ended near the seafood center where I met up with an incident, not major, it cant kill me but ohh I hope it can..... death just seems a quick exit from this moody world I am having now....(ohh boy...that is how I think when I got washed out in love)

....I am a major screwball in love...

2005-06-05T00:55:00.000+08:00

Well.... things come quickly and goes quickly...Last sunday, I was on the top of the world..... every miserable thing in my life does not seems to bother me but this sunday. I had fallen into deepest part of life. Maybe I am naive but I'm just expressing how I felt inside me that's all.I guess tomorrow onwards, I have to blade alone again...no matter how much I hated it, I guess the world had presented me with such a situation, I got to accept it... life...

I begin to ponder, is it me .. who is incapable of loving or is it the time? I begin to felt that I am the problem to this situation but as with other stuff, I do not have a solution to it.

2005-06-03T01:14:00.000+08:00

I wonder...why do people have such a affinity for knowing the future? I understand that it's nature for us to know what lies ahead..but do we trust such matters? palmistry... it's look rather interested and a intellectual study but I never believe in it maybe because I believe in having destiny is held in one's hand. I will prefer the belief of one's power is able to change own's fate.. but have knowing such knowledge does make you have something to talk about when your conversation in a group ran dry...

Looking back, I do wonder my path had been craved out by my own ability or the true destiny higher power had given to me . After seeing some friends now and then, alot of recollection come to me and make me feel that I had walked for quite a distance despite that there is till more path down in my life... oh well what lies ahead.

I am getting more receptive to getting involved in any relationship that come across me now as there is less areas that I pay concern at ..maybe I understand that such matters are out of my control but just to accept what is given to me and adjust my life on it...

Oh...boy...

2005-05-30T00:41:00.000+08:00

well...okie.. i blog less now ..cos I din know as my NTU account is not able to reach this site within my patience can withstand...

June..... exam results are out tomorrow ..getting abit worried, scared...shit...... hope for the best...

I had got used to my NS life and now sort of enjoying it now... and will decide to look for job and hope everything goes well...